Tuesday, January 22, 2013

Mommy Guilt

So here's to getting a little more personal (as if putting pictures of my kids, family, and house isn't enough).  This is something I struggle with every.day. (I need to get some better blogging tools with cooler fonts...any ideas? I need to google!)
Every day I have some sort of mommy guilt, pretty bad huh?  I'm gonna go out on a limb and say I'm definitely not the only one. 

Monday through Friday I feel guilty for going to work and not being able to spend as much time with the girls as I maybe could - you know if I didn't have a job and all that nonsense. Then I might get home and get frustrated with the girls over something little and I immediately feel guilty afterwards.  "Erin, why are you getting frustrated, you need to cherish these 3 hours you have with them at night during the week since you aren't here all day" goes through my head.  I know it's normal to get frustrated, but it doesn't make it feel good.
Then I feel guilty leaving the girls at any point on the weekend because I'm not with them during the week.  Don't get me wrong, there are sometimes when Daniel and I do have a planned night out and I do leave them with our parents and for the most part I'm fine.  I will even feel guilty if I don't have an activity planned to do with them on the weekend and we end up just sitting around playing and watching TV.
Just yesterday I was texting a girlfriend of mine who I haven't seen in a while and we were planning on getting dinner Friday night.  I wanted to totally do dinner, and we have a lot to catch up on, but the guilt creeps in when making potential plans!  So I was honest and told her I felt guilty leaving the girls since I would be working during the day and she's awesome and understood (she has doggie guilt...ha).  So we decided this time, we would go to dinner with our boys and the girls.  It's great to have supportive girlfriends.  We will plan a girls only night a little further out so I can mentally prepare. Oh the days when I could just go out on a whim!

This guilt thing even comes into other areas, not just on time I spend with or without them.  It's so many things!  Including but not limited to:
- Giving Hadleigh chicken and fries a few times in one week.  In the grand scheme of things this is minimal and the guilt doesn't last too long since she is so picky, BUT it's still there for a bit.
- Putting the girls in front of the TV to give mommy and daddy a bit of a break.  The break doesn't last long, but I know the girls (well really Hadleigh right now) probably watch more TV than recommended.  But you know, I already feel bad sometimes doing it.
- Not giving in to Hadleigh and Hayden's every want.  Yes, as a parent I know I can't do this, but it doesn't make it easier.  I know there are rules and boundaries to follow and we do, but I still feel guilty when they get upset no matter what it's about. 

I guess this is part of what makes me a loving mother, but it sucks for my mental calmness sometimes!  I deal with the guilt and I don't let it consume my life - usually it's just thoughts.  Now I do give-in sometimes, and take them with me places when I could have left them home with Daniel or our parents OR I stay in with them instead of going somewhere. 

Do any of you have mommy guilt?  How do you handle it? 

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